everyone. just everyone. it's sad when you realize the people you hold close are only close to you for one reason or another. and the bonds i lay, i deem unbreakable by any means. unfortunately, it seems i am not held in the same regard in their eyes. and it breaks my heart, that such trivial matters, meaningless by face value, can represent the core of the relationship.

first it was you. you make me feel like a weathered and battered old peice of furntiure. there when the job needs to be done, but for no other reason. there to take your wrath, your punishment when you feel fit, but it's alright. i made it that way, that is my fault.

then it was you. nothing more than a money tree. there to provide. there because i'm stupid.

and then it was you. so fragile. from the beginning i knew the way it was. that it's so easy to lose someone. to have this picture and an accidental knock... to have it shattered so easily.

and now, you. only there because i'm there. simly there.

i'm jealous, or rather, envious of those people who know their worth. can walk around and know they are wanted around. i find that so much more valuable than anything else. it seems to help in every regard. i am lacking in that, mousy in my own ways. nobody believes it, but i am the most insecure one of all.

its so familiar, long abandoned, but now returned like a long lost friend. and why should i stay? better to leave with to visit that place it went than to stay here just because.