Having dinner with my mom tonight. She guilted me into it. I was so mean to her last night. I don't know why. I just was... and all the while she was there, I just couldn't help but feel mean- purposefully mean- mean like i want to be mean. It felt so good being mean to her at that exact moment, but that was fleeting. I felt the hurt in her, and it cut me deep. And when she left, I felt like chasing after her to tell her I was sorry. But I didn't. And that is why I am afraid of having children.