have i captured you? de-mystified the mysterious? where the wind blows a cool summer breeze, i've swindled those nights into the light. i can string the moon and stars around my neck and be enveloped in the sweet velvety dark where ever i go. and i dream of you, those serene nights out, a little shiver from the cold, a little shiver from being bold. deep purple, blue, black, little specks of eternity staring down at me. a whispered song that tickles my skin as i stare back and feel the weight of the moon and stars around my neck.

no hoorah, no hurray

it was a perfect day, a perfect night. a good ol' catch up with friends that'd never be a fright. i am where i thought i'd be at age 23, albeit much less sophisticated and less the color white. goals to achieve and who i want to be when 24 comes knocking on the door? be assertive, be creative, passivity is such a bore. take charge, go get them, stop this lazying all around! it's time to pick those hopes up from off the ground.

no more procrastinating ... scratch that, procrastination is sometimes good (~_^).

everyone falls prey to subjectivity despite extended efforts at objectivity.

Ever looming closer...

numb. just numb. i guess it's true when they say that as the years roll by, they seem to lean more towards insignificance.

and on and on. life goes on whether you want it to or not. the years systematically suck the livelihood out of you till you're wrinkled and decrepit. has the peak of immaturity left me yet? i hope not. so much to look forward to, so much to look back on. life is as it should be. problems and solutions. i will try harder to be stronger, more willful, less petty... just better.

Having dinner with my mom tonight. She guilted me into it. I was so mean to her last night. I don't know why. I just was... and all the while she was there, I just couldn't help but feel mean- purposefully mean- mean like i want to be mean. It felt so good being mean to her at that exact moment, but that was fleeting. I felt the hurt in her, and it cut me deep. And when she left, I felt like chasing after her to tell her I was sorry. But I didn't. And that is why I am afraid of having children.

so i'm like this... and he's like that... and she's like fuck no.

been a relatively smooth ride lately. not boring, just mellow and nice

of saturday, june 24th, 2006

i jumped out of a plane.
i am still afraid of heights.

it was amazing... the freefall, the wind, the height.
next comes hang-gliding or maybe para-sailing.

"Time is too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love, time is eternity."
- Henry Van Dyke

tick away clock, tick away