you did it again. the one thing i was looking forward to here. i had kept my hopes down for so long. i had warned myself against thinking it. i had told myself that it would not be possible. but you seemed so sincere, i let you in. i even played with the thought in my mind, that we could co-exist. but you did it again. you selfish, selfish bastard. such an insignificant matter. but it meant so much to me. the one thing i wanted here. only one thing. i thought you knew. but i guess you didn't care.

i want to, but i can't. i just can't. so fragile. i don't want to be like this anymore. not with you. the both of you. i want to so much. just to be normal with the both of you. you make it so hard. i do too. you've hurt me so much. everything you do now hurts me so much. no matter the degree of significance. i don't want to be like this. why is it so hard?

i feel like such a big baby. it shouldn't matter.