Written on Saturday, December 24, 2005

As Christmas passes, another year of my life is wasted. Realizations of youth passing too fast come to mind. Life passed before my eyes and I finally understand that life might be worth living afterall. But even with so many people surrounding me, I still feel lonely. Chronic depression is a bitch. Perhaps everyone's loneliness is surpressed during this celebration of christ's birthday.

I miss the party scene. If every time I am away from him I feel relief, does that mean we shouldn't be together? I love him so much, but is it only because I feel we've been together for so long? Is it really love or a fear of being alone? I don't know if I can give up this way of life. Vacation and being so far away gives some time to think clearly.