wintery white

as the wind slaps against the cold, concrete floor; the rain wraps itself, soft and sweet, around my face. the fresh scent of newly fallen clouds arise from the dirt beneath my shoes. winter brings deaf coldness to reddening cheeks of young souls. sweet chills run down my back as the wind licks against my bare neck. winter cannot survive without the night. glorious is the night with it's wintery white moon. starlight, star bright, good night... to you all.

how's life?

i'm desparate. i can't stand myself being the way i am. i have to beg myself to do something, to crawl out of the hole i've dug for myself. i feel entrapped; closed in. the longer i'm here, stuck like this, the more inward i feel myself turning. my body is eating my soul alive. the world passes by in its hurried gait while i watch from my cage awaiting my chance to burst out and pounce from my tranqilized state. where does the time go? days and nights blur together like a fast forwarded tape. i can only imagine my vision but not envision myself being there. how? which way to go? the fork in the road leads to too many different outcomes. how do i know which one to take? where's that magic crystal ball when you need it? stop wasting time. do what needs to be done and be done with it. be a nine to fiver. be the dull and boring person that everyone is meant to be. there is no special shining light that makes you different from anyone else. why abuse, why suffer, why torrment oneself for something so menial? meaningless life that tries to suck you in with its responsibilities and its rights and wrongs. meaningless life that marketeers try and make glittery by posting scantily clad beautiful women with every known product possible. meaningless life that makes you feel worthless and unworthy. i will not be sucked in by you so easily. you can't trick me. under it all, you are still a meaningless life.

daddy's shit

why is my dad an asshole?

the soldier

beyond the sky holds you and i
and i hold you inside my mind.

why can't i stop rhyming?

tomorrow i see my brother and his new kid. i don't want to see him. i don't want to think about it. i loath ... i despair... i hurt... i hurt for him. i lied. tears of vain will fall. i hurt. no more. no more! NO MORE! broken families can break some more. crumpled shoulders will result. the nasty dark will seep through... darkened eyes... icy breath... no sky. chilled heart. broken hearts. cold cold crisp air in the unforgiving night. forever is fleeting. only until you close your eyes.

title of...

my name betrays me, it haunts me, it follows me. time flies away, everything changes, my name stays the same.

man made stars

I roam the streets late at night, devoid of hope, devoid of feeling. The calm of the night chills me; it pacifies me. Perhaps the silence is why the night is so alluring, so seductive. The quiet calm is too loud for me to ignore. Take me away, envelop me into your velvety arms; into infinite calmness. Street lights so blaringly bright only heighten the deep darkness that awaits each and every one of us. I despise the light that exposes me and opens me for the world to see. Into the night of mystery I flee only to find myself hiding from myself. There is nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. Time's falling away and I am still here waiting in the shadows to find myself.

hunting...

jobs are no fun. but having no job is even less fun.

la familia...

It may not seem likely, but we are family, you and I.
Unconventional though we may be, we were still one and the same.
We cannot pretend to be what we were not.
We cannot feel something that was never taught.
We cannot tenderize a relationship
built on ungoverned rules, dark bruises, under a loveless roof.
But we have an unspoken bond, you and I.
Something special, something undetectable, something wonderful.
When the darkest of the dark seeps through,
Tears of vain will never fall.
When this world has lost its luster,
Crumpled shoulders will not result.
Because we are one and the same, you and I.
And I know that I will always have you, and you, will always have me.

i knew the answer

Black or white. coffee or tea. paper or plastic. so simple.

what happened?

if life were a butterfly; the wind, the world

i would be a black speckle on its wings.
the world would whirl about
caressing my face with its tender breeze
and wash me away in its floating rain
i would bend with the wings of life
as it takes me up and down
from current to current, through wind and rain,
and folds me away
as it sleeps into the whispering night.

if only life offered such simplicity...

pressure cooker

I wonder what a pressure cooker feels like. is it a feeling of overflowing pressure boiling over from the inside out? do something. make a move. once you get started, everything else is easy as pie! i want my cake and i want to eat it, too. and i want ice-cream with that cake, as well. i don't think i'm going to make it big. the world is too big for me. i'm just little ol' me with too much hope and too much aspiration. i feel special, like i can conquer the world, and yet... i feel lifeless, like i am meaningless. what to do, what to do? time's a ticking and i feel as if i am under scrutiny of the world. make something of yourself. anything. something.

memoirs of a childhood gone by...

Remembering someone you knew from so long ago brings back odd memories of sorts. most of these memories are not of the positive type. i want to go back to a time when things weren't so complicated. a time so long ago that i can barely remember. when was i free?
music brings me back. to when? i don't know. but i know it was a happier time. it was... i remember now. it was when i was ten awaiting sleep and listening to the radio.
i remember the last time you told me the whole truth. it was ten years ago. there were alot of tears, but i was happier in the end. but i'm tired of the truth now. feed me lies, take away these tears. take away this constant sadness. take me away to that far away place again. be my savior. set me free.
how to put this sadness on a computer that is so unfeeling in its terrible coldness? search deep and hard. why is life worth living. there has to be a reason. why? why? why?!?!?!?! WHY? WHY!
i don't know. where is freedom? hehehe... i know the answer to that.