memories...

i remember the smartest man i ever met in my life from a time oh so long ago. i met him when i was three years old and i remember the exact moment when i realized how smart he really was. i was playing with my plastic hairband, putting it around my thighs and of course, the headband snapped in two. i went crying to everybody but he was the one that waved me over. he took it in his hands and wiped my tears away. then he performed some magic voodoo shit. he took the two broken pieces put them together and lit a lighter under it. just like magic, the broken pieces stuck together and my broken headband was fixed.

my grandfather died when i was nine years old. i never really got a chance to know him even though he lived with me for a couple of years. by the time we were together, he was already old and decrepit and i was entering a phase where grandparents weren't cool anymore.

religion appearsto be a battle that i just can't seem to shake off. why can't people understand that my lack of faith in religion doesn't mean that i'm suicidal? just because there's no grand design, no order, no meaning, no luck, no nothing, does not mean that i'm not willing to live. is there a better place that all of us go to when we die? isn't it possible that that we got our morals mixed up? that the devil's actually god and that killing will get us to heaven instead? who decided the morals anyway? who ordained good-will to be a ticket into heaven? perhaps heaven is where all the suffering is and hell is where all the partying begins. no one told those priests so my guess is as good as theirs. so why am i a charity case and why aren't they? hehehe... i guess they are.