conquered

I have finally proved to myself that i have the endurance. i can look like those girls in the magazine, my biological genes permitting of course. if there is a will, there is a way. i ran from 280 and 10th, all the way to san carlos, circled around sj state and came all the way back. = D

this is a day of achievment, and i don't think i have ever been more proud of myself than today.

sometimes things are just nice

the way they are. no concerns, no worries, just nice. sometimes you're with somebody that makes all those sad things go away and the world doesn't seem as bleak as it once was... = P

funny how things work out. funny how some things viewed as trivial by some are the most important things to others. why is it that appearances matter so much? why do we care? why? why does it matter what one looks like? i just don't understand it. if in the long haul, what matters in the end are your wits, your sense of humor, your ability to be you... why do people care so much about what others look like? and ultimately, why do people care what they look like? why do we feel we have to differentiate ourselves from others? and if we are trying to be so unique and different, why do we follow these so-called fashions? so being in the in crowd means being the most unique yet like everyone else? what a confusing world we live in.

at the moment i'm torn between caring and not caring about what i look like. ultimately, i believe i keep the way i look for myself. i've tested the endurance of the people who cares about me and the ones who want to stick around do, the ones that didn't give a rat's ass left long ago. so the option to 'look good'- which is sooooo subjective- is all for my own peace of mind. what do i do? do i give into the constant societal pressures that surround me, or do i dare go against them? am i a secure enough person to be able to do this? i doubt it. so i'm not strong enough to take fat jokes and not strong enough to say no to food... what am i going to do?

what?!

I think i may have been overly ambitious with my bloggs.

Long time no see

It's been awhile old friend. perhaps a bit too long. much has happened since i've last confided in you. i now no longer live in the house that i've been living in for that last thirteen years. i live in my aunt's basement and feel like complete scum. mmmm... but i guess that's not all that relavent in my life right now is it? i think of all the things that effect me right now, feeling like scum is at the bottom of my priority list. at the very top of course, is my delusional idea that i can actually ace five classes. my obsessive/compulsive self tells me that it has to be possible. the permanent bags under my eyes tells me other wise.