sleepy...

I wonder what my classmates are thinking about when they see me sprawled across my desk like the living dead wouldn't even be able to awaken me. i wonder if they even see me, do they put me into their thoughts and considerations?
how would people feel if they kept this thought running through their minds all the time: they don't actually matter. if they were missing, no one would realize it, no one would even care. even their nearest and dearest could forget about them in a year or two. their significance in this desolate, uninviting world is no more than a mere grain of sand to our more than six billion population. is that why clothes and make-up industries are such conglomerates in our society? they've ingrained that fear into us, haven't they? to be completely bland and insignificant has become our darkest fears. is it so hard to accept this reality? this denial that we all have of being meaningless in this world; does it have any correlation to our inate fear of death? our fear of death consumes us- our fear of not being, of ending our era of so-called significance to at least a few people. we have to turn to an other worldly deity to give us hope, someone we have made up in our confused and lonely minds. to confirm our doubts and make sure our memoirs, our 'us' still continues on. to make sure our insignificant selves are still significant in a nothing more than delusional after-life.

ps.
this was all written under the influence of an unknown 'bug'...i think i'm sick = (